I feel like I’m going to throw up.
I am defeated.
Life is hard for everyone. And I hate complaining. But right now, I can’t help it. I can’t sleep and I’m on the verge of tears.
Not long ago, I lived in Florida with my parents, my brother, my fiancé, and my newborn son. My fiancé and I decided that we needed to forge out on our own and make a life for our family that was our own. We started looking around locally, so that he could still work at his job, I could still go to the same college, and our son would be near his grandparents, but nothing was available. We widened the search area to anywhere in the state hoping he could transfer within the company. Then he got laid off. Times we tough, but we kept looking. We broadened our search even more, to the point we were looking all over the country. A little glimmer of hope shined down on us from North Carolina, where my fiancé was offered a position! We were so excited!! We spent our tax refund finding a place we could call home and making the move.
Who knew moving would be SO expensive?
We got here and everything seemed perfect, until the place that was supposed to hire my fiancé changed their mind. We panicked a little. What were we going to do? We already signed a lease. We were stuck. But we pulled together as much as we could and kept looking for work. Finally, I found a job as a barista part-time. It wasn’t much, but every little bit counted. That didn’t last long. First, I’m a breastfeeding mom, so being away from my son for long periods is physically painful and my little dinky pump didn’t help much. Then my fiancé found a job, which conflicted with my schedule. Since his job paid more, and would have more hours plus opportunity for advancement, I resigned from mine and he started his. As he worked, we scraped by. Behind on rent, behind on the car payment, no food in the house, pawning everything we owned, but we were making it.
Until our dog got sick. Violently sick. He’s an old pitbull, so we figured it was probably his time. We had to take him to the vet, we couldn’t let him suffer. But he wasn’t dying (thank heavens), he was just really sick and needed medication we really couldn’t afford. But we did what we had to do. Then we were even more behind on rent, behind on car payment, plus the vet bill, no phones, overdraft fees, etc. It just kept piling up. But we kept looking up, we were optimistic that things would get better.
But they didn’t. In fact, they got worse.
As things were starting to look better, we got the notice on our door.
You’re late on your rent, please pay $XXXX.
Well, we don’t have it. It’s that simple. We will have it on the 20th.
If you don’t pay your rent, you will be evicted.
Can’t we make a partial payment? We will pay it, we just can’t right now.
We don’t accept partial payments. We value you as residents and are sad to see you go.
No you’re not.
We’ve already borrowed more than we wanted, more than we should have. We have no one left to help us. We can’t afford to stay, we can’t afford to move. I can’t have my infant son living in a car that we can’t even afford to make payments on. They will take my son from me. My angel boy. Because I can’t provide for him. Because I let him down. Because I am a failure.
We came here hoping to start our life as a family with promises that were broken. Promises that cause strife and humility, hunger, financial hardship. Promises that are damaging our credit. Promises that may tear our family apart.
I don’t know what to do. Believe me when I say that I’ve tried everything. I’m trying to remain optimistic, but it’s hard. It’s really, really hard. I can’t let them get me down.
I’m not asking you or anyone else for anything. I just need to vent before I lose what little I have left.
Chicken Alfredo Pizza
i am always so worried about this hm
A lot of people are really good a playing the victim, but the strongest thing you can do is overcome.
A few years ago, I was victimized by a friend’s cousin. He took advantage of me because he was bigger and stronger than me. Ever since then, I’ve had a difficult time being “intimate” with anyone, and although what happened was awful and I wouldn’t want it to happen to anyone else, I don’t let it hold me back. I don’t let it define me.
I am what I choose to become.